Top 10 Blatantly Obvious Appliance Tips Which Are Worth Repeating (To Avoid Disaster)

July 3rd, 2013

Appliance Talk Humour Kitchen Laundry Ovens & Cooking Small Appliances Vacuums & Floor Care

There are some amazingly stupid things you can do to ruin your appliance, ruin yourself, or burn your house down. We don’t judge, ‘cos we’ve been there – and have the fire-brigade on speed-dial.

We keep making mistakes ‘cos we are human. Stuff happens. We’re sometimes tired, distracted or drunk. So here’s a few pertinent reminders you can print out and post on your fridge to remind you of some essentials:

1. Don’t forget to check your pockets before you stick your pants in the washing machine.

An oldie but a goodie. Essential bits of paper (such as money) will be mulched. Worse, if you have any loose coinage in there, you run the risk of tearing or pulling your clothes or even ruining the machine’s inner drum. The disaster, of course, will be exponentially worse if you are the kind of dude who habitually pockets thumb-tacks/ball-bearings/small lumps of concrete – you know, just for giggles.

So, scratch your chin, purse your lips and go bald thinking about what you are putting in your washing machine.


2. Don’t over-pack the fridge so it can’t shut properly.

The more sophisticated units may tell you they have been left open by emitting a harsh bleeping noise or sending painful electrical impulses to your groin.

However, some still don’t know how to effectively communicate with their dunderheaded human owners (of which we count ourselves as one, don’t worry). An oversized container within can prop open the door enough to let cold air out or waste energy … but can be difficult to spot unless you happen to see it jutting out a fraction. This whole scenario will, of course, become much, much worse when you naturally try to smash the door closed with your fist.


3. Don’t overstuff the dishwasher so things can’t get washed properly.

It’s tempting to throw everything in there in a bid to make everything go away. Or maybe you have the quite reasonable desire to save water and energy. But beware: you run the risk of compacting the plates so tightly the water won’t actually be able to gain access to the microscopic gap in between them. Or the crush of crockery or outsized cultery will impede the internal movement of things like the spray arms.

To expect anything to get clean after that is expecting divine intervention – or that of the dog.


4. Remember to remove the excess lint from the filter of your dryer.

Thereby improving the performance of your dryer and/or reducing the chances your house will burn down. Use whichever justification is more important to you as a motivating factor.

5. Don’t walk away from the sandwich press and fall asleep while it’s in use.

Cardinal mistake. Most sandwich presses don’t announce that the thing is over-cooked in a very audible fashion – in fact the best thing that can be expected in some cases is a green light and/or the passive aggressive smell of burning.


6. Take care with glass and ceramic stovetops.

Vital – lest you are eventually happy to conduct an expensive and costly replacement job. Using anything other than cleaning products or utensils recommended by the manufacturer is likely to damage the surface. Also take care to remove any food spillage straight away. Over time, it is likely to set like cement … and it is well-known that burned cheese has a half-life of 5 billion years.

7. Remember to turn the rangehood on.

Unless you want to defile the entire house with your reeking cooking. Bad form, especially when your flat-mate/spouse returns home and promptly keels over in the hallway from the entirely noxious smell of the curry you’ve got simmering on the stove.Kitchen-odours

8. Don’t try to vacuum something your vacuum cleaner is not supposed to (out of sheer frustration).

You just want to get something clean … you have a flat-inspection in about half-an-hour or a visit from your maiden aunt who is a complete neat-freak, or your flat has been classified as a bio-hazard after a particularly epic long weekend. Whatevs.

Appreciate there is only so much your vacuum cleaner can do. If it’s not specifically geared for picking up water, it won’t be able to handle any deposits of fluid (of any kind). It won’t really enjoy trying to pick up any hard, heavy objects. And it won’t be able to remove any unconscious flat mates that may be lying around. Well, not unless it’s got a bit more muscle than your usual vac.


9. Don’t use your appliance as a projectile.

While it may be tempting to resolve an intellectual disagreement by throwing a small appliance across the room, remember that while the consequences for anyone/anything in the firing line will be bad – the results for your appliance will be of much greater loss. It’ll be especially bad news, if it’s as awesome as something like this.

10. Replace your appliance if it is old and crusty.


Sounds obvious when you read it in black and white, but it’s amazing how often this golden rule is overlooked. Mainly because of the powerful human urge to put things off (one we can relate to, btw). Is your fridge 30 years old and beginning to wheeze like a geriatric mule? Is your washing machine beginning to shake and rattle like its had one banana daiquiri too many and is now gearing up to join an invisible conga line? Does your toaster have an unfortunate tendency to explode? Well, you should probably think about replacing it. Not only is it delivering compromised performance – it is threatening your life.

Any Blatantly-Obvious-Appliance-Tips you think we should mention? Let us know (in a strictly patronising, I-told-you-so fashion!).

Richie is a Sydney based writer with sophistication, flair and hair. Aside from blogging and writing for Appliances Online and Big Brown Box, he is also a new playwright who had his first play, ‘The Local’ performed last year at the Sydney Fringe Festival. He is also the wicketkeeper for the Gladstone Hotel Cricket Club and his favourite appliance is any 3D Blu-ray Home Theatre System that can be delivered to his house free-of-charge in the near future. He was the lead singer of Van Halen in 2002. Google+

One response to “Top 10 Blatantly Obvious Appliance Tips Which Are Worth Repeating (To Avoid Disaster)”

  1. bladex says:

    the dog in the dishwasher frigging hilarious!

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