Appliance love epic: part two

May 28th, 2012

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As the Laura Star disappears, awake she sheds a silent tear

A blood red dawn begins to rise, and reflects the fear in Rinnai’s eyes,

For through old promises to Omega

She has sealed her Bromic’s demise.

(Have you read part one?)


The brave little kettle shouts out his warning

As Bromic dives for his Sharp sword,

The piercing whistle Brevilles out through the morning

‘Til St George slays Morphy and the blood starts to pour.


Rinnai looks Delonghingly as her beau enters the scene,

Swinging his sword like a Saeco as the Whirlpool turns into a stream

Of warriors coming thick and fast; how long does our Bromic last?

Alas not long, his heart is slashed and St George pulls his element out clean.


Yes, tis true! I’m afraid to say

Omega married Rinnai by the end of the day,

And Bromic is dead and scattered no less

Dyson is called to clean up the mess.

In a plan to force Rinnai’s love, Omega has installed

Bromic’s element in his own coldwash of a heart,

But Rinnai is appalled.

Cleverly she waits for revenge after dark

When she turns her heat up and brings Omega to the verge,

He can’t cope and with a spark

He SHORT CIRCUITS in a fiery surge!

By Imogen Throp

Having once had to sit on the washing machine to stop it from bouncing into oblivion, Keri is today delighted with the new (smoother running) technologies that make housework easier every day. A self-confessed lazy-bones, Keri seeks out quirky inventions that ease the human workload, such as the robotic vacuum cleaner (wow). And as soon as someone figures out a Jetsons-like self-cleaning house, she will happily lay her pen to rest and retire from appliance journalism. Until then, her pick is a fridge that will tell her smartphone when it's time to pick up more beer on the way home. Magic.

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