How to name your band after an appliance: a helpful guide

April 5th, 2013

Humour

So, you’ve finally mastered three chords on your guitar, and you’re ready to launch your new career as a rock star.

Well done. Well done you.

…But wait! Your band does not have a name yet. This is bad. It’s good for bands to have names so fans know to whom they should address their letters of adoration. It’s also useful for reducing confusion when you win your first Grammy – it is hard for bands without names to win Grammys.

Fortunately, your favourite appliance blogger is here to help. Here are some excellent appliance-related band names you can use as inspiration for your own band name. While obviously these names are already taken, there’s nothing to stop you from slightly embellishing an existing band name to make it your own. (For instance, why not consider adding useless numbers to the name of an already established band? ‘Fridge69’ has a certain ring to it, no? Or perhaps you could simply add your name to it – to form a name like ‘LouLou and the Fridges’. Not bad eh? Nirvana, eat your heart out).

1. Fridge

Yes, there is actually a band called ‘Fridge‘, and as far as bands go, it’s pretty cool. (Approximately 4 degrees Celsius, to be precise. HA HA HA APPLIANCE HUMOUR).

The most famous member of Fridge is Kieran Hebden, who is the genius behind the somewhat better-known musical act Four Tet. (Four Tet, for the musically uncouth, has done a lot of kick-arse remixes of songs by other, non-appliance related bands such as Radiohead and Sia. Also, Four Tet is only one person, not four people, which is confusing – but I suppose ‘One Tet’ just sounds dumb. Still though, false advertising if you ask me).

Warning: those hoping to learn useful facts about fridges will be sorely disappointed by this band.

2. Microwave

I wish I were imaginative enough to make this stuff up, but I’m not: ‘Microwave‘ is the real name of a real Vietnamese metal band, whose sophomore album ‘Thoi Gian’ (or ‘Time’) has been hailed as modern classic.

According to guitarist Ngoc Linh, the 9 songs on Time deal with “…the different facets of young people’s lives in the modern city, from love, sympathy and responsibility, to sex, drugs, and depression.” (Note: your enjoyment of these themes will be greatly enhanced by your ability to understand Vietnamese).

Guaranteed to get you boiling hot on the outside yet frozen solid on the inside, Microwave looks set to defrost the world’s attitude to Vietnamese music. Certain to get your turntable rotating! Uh, zap!!

3. Dishwasher

Martin Cesar of Montreal is the brains behind Dishwasher – a (real!) band that has released one album named ‘Whre Are Tu?’ – the cover of which depicts goats in a rural setting. Disappointingly for fans of dishwashers and goats, ‘Whre Are Tu’ is about neither of these subjects. Which is perplexing! Because dishwashers and goats offer such rich and interesting inspiration for songs. There needs to be more songs about dishwashers and goats.

If you’re interested to know more about Dishwasher, you can read an interview with Martin Cesar in Midnight Poutine magazine.

Here is a classic Dishwasher song called ‘Thursday Getting Paid Paid Paid’. Which I perhaps won’t be, after my boss discovers I devoted yet another day to browsing YouTube under the tenuous excuse of ‘blog research’…

4. The Toasters

Formed in 1981, The Toasters are an American ska band whose most prominent achievement to date is having their song ‘Two-Tone Army’ used as the theme some for the Nickelodeon show KaBlam!

Fun Toaster Facts:
•    The original name of The Toasters was ‘Not Bob Marley’
•    Their first gig earned them the princely sum of $22
•    It took them 16 years to make it onto MTV (with their single ‘Two-Tone Army’)
•    The Toasters have also written jingles for Coca Cola ads

Over their thirty year career The Toasters have gifted ten studio albums to the world, making them the most prolific of all the appliance-themed bands. Toasters, we here at Appliances Online salute you.

5. Vacuum

Haven’t we run out of bands named after appliances yet?

No. No we have not.

The year is 1996, and pop music is particularly rife with vacuous lyrics, ‘futuristic’ synthesiser noises and film clips containing attractive people who are managing to retain an intensely sincere composure despite their farcically absurd outfits and hairstyles. Enter Mattias Lindblom and Anders Wollbeck – two Swedish men whose love for cheesy Europop is surpassed only for their fetish for immaculately clean floors – coming together to form the most stylish of all the appliance bands, Vacuum.

Lyrically adventurous, Vacuum’s first album was titled ‘The Plutonium Cathedral’, and their first single ‘I Breathe’ addressed the themes of space exploration and global warming. ….I think.

I’ve been trained to navigate my futurist balloon.
After years a week will see me landing on the moon.
Raise a banner on the planets,
life grows everywhere.
In the manner of the mission?

The video for this single also features Hitler in a corset. At last!

All right this is getting silly now

No more appliance bands! Back to doing immeasurably important, indispensable work that totally justifies my continued employment with this company.

….ooooh, okay. Just one more film clip from Vacuum. ENJOY! (I know I will).