Glass sided toaster is sad

April 22nd, 2013

Humour Small Appliances Toasters & Kettles

In breaking news, Appliances Online has received reports of a glass toaster, who is sad.

The black sheep of the sentient toaster family (he’s nothing like his cousin Talkie Toaster), Sad Glass Toaster struggles with his identity on a daily basis. It would seem that he is unhappy with his lot in life, which is to toast bread.

Watch the exclusive, song-based interview for more details about Glass Toaster’s sadness:

As you can see, toasting is no laughing matter. Quite the opposite, in fact.

However, much as we hate to capitalise on the suffering of others, you have to admit that a see-through toaster is actually a pretty good idea. I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve peered down into the toasting slot of my non-glass toaster and thought that things were progressing smoothly, only to end up with a blackened, vaguely bread-shaped, charred lump of inedible carbon, filling me not with delicious toast but with anger and despair.

We have touched upon the subject of transparent toasters once before in our Ten Terrific Toasters article, but back then it was only a prototype:

Imagine our joy when we discovered that such a thing actually exists! Known as the Magimix Glass Toaster, this transparent (and, as far as we can tell, emotionally stable) toasting apparatus features wide slots, quartz heating elements and a glass viewing window through which its ‘awesome’ toasting ability can be easily observed:

Sounds like perfection itself, right? Well, kinda. At three hundred bucks a pop, and with mixed customer reviews, the Magimix Cheerful Glass Toaster is not something I personally am going to rush out and buy.

What you should, however, push old people and children out of the way for in your eagerness to possess, is this beauty:

The Breville Smart Toast* toaster may not be transparent, but it DOES have a ‘Lift and Look’ function which allows you to lift up the toast to inspect its progress, thus preventing the blackened carbon scenario from occurring.

PLUS if you buy it before Mother’s Day, you’ll get a $25 cash back from Breville! If that’s not enough to cheer your spirits, I can’t help you buddy. Perhaps no one can.

So don’t be sad! Defrost the winter of your discont-bread (this joke is not overwrought, shut up) with a bright and upbeat red Breville toaster today! You don’t have to thank me, I do this out of the goodness of my heart simply because I like making people happy. (But if you insist, the sacks of jewels and money can be addressed to Louise at Appliances Online, thanks).

* Actual name, I’m not being a wise guy this time, promise.