Bachelor Masterchef: 6 awesome recipes for the single man

June 7th, 2012

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So, you’re a free-wheeling bachelor about town.

It doesn’t matter why – maybe you’re stuck in a permanent state of arrested development, maybe your ex left you for a therapist called Alan or Elaine or something, maybe they found you in bed with a small scotch terrier – whatever.

Relax, it’s all good news, my friend, ‘cos you have control of the kitchen.

You’ve no one to impress but yourself – and it’s time to get jiggy with some simple, cheap recipes that make your average example of haute cuisine look like the contents of the bin outside Kings Cross McDonalds at 3am on Saturday night.

Get set to live the dream, bro!

1. Cam’s Chicken Soup

What you need:

• 500g of chicken
• 1 onion
• Soy sauce
• Chicken stock
• 4+ cans of creamed corn
• 1 egg
• Shallots
• Ample fridge/freezer space

Method:

A sure-fire winner, which has the added benefit of producing a huge tide of left-overs – so make sure you clear some space in your fridge.

First, cut the chicken up into easily-managed bits – and dice the onions. Fry up the chicken in a medium-to-large sized pan along with the onions and a dash of soy-sauce. Then grab one absolutely-huge mother of a sauce-pan. Throw in a few litres of chicken stock (Cam’s advice is to use stock cubes, ‘cos they are cheaper). Add all the creamed corn. Meanwhile, whisk up the egg in a mixing bowl – plop that in with a few shallots for good measure.

Serve with bread … for the next fortnight or so. Properly ventilate your kitchen before, during and after cooking – or your flat will reek like a chicken farm.

2. Richie’s “Whatever” Hotpot

What you need:

• 1 onion and 1 clove of garlic
• Two tins of tomato puree
• Vegetable/chicken stock
• Red wine
• A whole bunch of edible stuff
• Couscous

Method:

This concoction is not only a cinch to make, very cheap and will keep you in left-over heaven for days – it can also be pleasure, depending on how much of the cooking wine you end up drinking. There is method (somewhat) to the madness – we start by heating the onion and the garlic in some oil. Plop the tins of tomato in there, some of the stock in, and a hefty dollop of red wine and you’re set.

From that point on, it’s virtually a free-for-all.

You can stick anything in there you like, and it’s a particularly good for disguising the taste of veges you wouldn’t normally have a bar of: eg eggplant, cauliflower and zucchini. We happen to think sausages go particular well with it – and if you’re looking to augment it with something different (and keep the leftovers going for a while), then cous-cous is a worthy extra. We love the recipe, ‘cos after a point you can basically leave it to cook itself – when the fire-alarms go off, it’s done!

3. Kevin’s Chicken Nugget Con Italia.

What you need:

• Pasta 250g
• Chicken Nuggets
• Baked Beans
• Grated Cheese
• One chopped cucumber
• An iron stomach

Method:

Boil the water in a small-to-medium-sized sauce-pan – and once done, add the pasta with a pinch of salt (both figuratively and literally).

You’ll also want to be multi-tasking here – but don’t let that freak you out. All you gotta do is heat up the oven, and pop in the Chicken Nuggets (on a tray, doofus!). According to our gourmand, in his native England, you could get a packet of 20 nuggets for 75p. We’re not sure what the exchange rate is for nuggets – but we’d suggest aiming above $5 for a packet, otherwise it might be past its sell-by date, or not actually chicken.

Once the pasta is done, drain and keep to one-side in a colander. Quickly use the original pot to heat up the beans. Once done, stir in the pasta. Add some grated cheese as you see fit – then pop in the chicken nuggets. Serve with the chopped cucumber as a token effort at green-stuff. Mmmm-mmmm! All you gotta do then is keep your flat-mate’s envious mitts off it.

(Oh and the picture’s just a vague approximation of what it looks like – Kev’ doesn’t dare go back to the dark days when he used to ingest this stuff.)

 4. Pat’s Chilli Bean Goulash

What you need:

• Brown Rice
• Can of Kidney Beans
• Sweet Chilli Sauce

Method:

By Patrick’s own admission there’s “no method, really” but that’s fine by us. Cook the rice (you may have your own technique, but our rough idea is to cook one cup of water to one cup of rice), stir in the beans while the rice is hot, then stir through the chilli sauce. You can also add a little bit of corn for added nutrients.

Serve with a Gin and Tonic or five.

5. Morris’s Curry Rice Extravaganza

What you need:

• Rice
• Curry Powder
• Peas (optional)

Method:

Morris really outdoes himself with this unique take on the exotic flavours of the sub-continent. Here’s a tip: the crucial trick is remembering to apply the curry powder – without it, you’ll just have plain rice (and vice-versa, obviously). Peas are an optional extra – but, hey, this may be pushing things.

Please note, it’s pictured at right with a whole lot of other things we couldn’t be bothered with – but a pile of yellow-tinged rice tends to look fairly dismal by itself.

6. Raoul’s Tuna Surprise

What you need:

• Small tin of flavoured tuna (Tomato Salsa is a good one)
• One packet of Maggi Noodles (or similar brand)
• Frozen green peas

Method:

Boil a bit of water in saucepan. Place the noodles in – once they’ve gone all soggy, throw in a few peas. Drain the contents of the saucepan – then add the flavouring supplied with the noodles, even the package of white stuff which, frankly, looks very suss. Once done, stir in the flavoured tuna. Add some cheese as garnish – and bon appetit!

It looks like a little like something the cat left on the carpet (see picture at right) but just remember – no one cares!

Thanks to the marketing guys from Appliances Online for help with these recipes – some of whom are still enjoying the perks of solo living, others who are looking back nostalgically to their wonder years.

For those of you with the licence (and the intestinal fortitude) to do so – enjoy!