Love Me Blender – Happy Valentine’s Day to your appliances

February 14th, 2012

Appliance Talk

Valentine’s Day is the day when we show our appreciation to those we love.  We’ve previously taken you through how to say I love you with appliances, but what if the one you love is an appliance?

How can you express your love for appliances through love poetry and song?

The contributors over at Suburban Correspondent managed to dream up some doozys during their Appliance Poetry Slam:

My microwave defrosts the food;

My oven cooks it up.

The garbage disposal eats the food,

And the dishwasher cleans the cup.

Mom On The Verge

 Check out Ode to a Microwave and the air conditioner poem as well.

For the more musically minded, try 0800 Repair’s Top Ten Appliance Songs.  We agree that while it’s a sad and lovely song, you’ve got to appreciate the lyrics of Kate Bush’s Mrs Bartolozzi:

Washing machine, washing machine

Slooshy sloshy slooshy sloshy

Get that dirty shirty clean

Slooshy sloshy slooshy sloshy

Make those cuffs and collars gleam

Everything clean and shiny…

Might want to steer clear of Cold Ethyl by Alice Cooper though.  That’s a very… special kind of love that could get someone arrested.

We also enjoyed Top Five Music’s The Top Seven Songs About Appliances, such as DeLonghi Winding Road, The Grill from Ipanema, and runners up, Live and Let Dyson and Love Me Blender.

GROAN.

And finally, a slightly serious poem for the occasion:

 I Wanna Be Yours

I wanna be your vacuum cleaner

Breathing in your dust,

I wanna be your Ford Cortina

I will never rust,

If you like your coffee hot

Let me be your coffee pot,

You call the shots,

I wanna be yours.

I wanna be your raincoat

For those frequent rainy days,

I wanna be your dreamboat

When you want to sail away,

Let me be your teddy bear

Take me with you anywhere,

I don’t care

I wanna be yours.

I wanna be your electric meter

I will not run out,

I wanna be the electric heater

You’ll get cold without,

I wanna be your setting lotion

Hold your hair in deep devotion,

Deep as the deep Atlantic ocean

that’s how deep is my devotion.

John Cooper Clarke

 That’s deep, man.  The best I could think up was:

Roses are red

My Morphy Richards kettle is blue

Something something something…

And so are you?

I’m not a poet, and I know it.  I may need help.  For more than one reason.