How to survive without a fridge
June 26th, 2012
If your kitchen only had room for either an oven OR a fridge, which would you choose?
I thought the answer to this would be obvious, but apparently there is a person out there (a real person who lives in Sydney) who chose… the OVEN.
This seems mental to me, but apparently it can work? Personally I prefer my food non rancid, but each to their own I suppose. After all, the fridge is of course a modern luxury – back in the day people had to make do with cool rooms and not living past their thirties.
With this in mind I thoughtfully present to you some helpful tips for surviving without a fridge:
Live in the inner city
The above mentioned ‘oven-instead-of-fridge’ lady lives within metres of a several urban eateries (and also happens to have a large disposable income) – so instead of storing her own perishables in a fridge she simply pops down to the café whenever she feels peckish.
Also works as a great diet plan in the lead up to pay day….
Invest in an Esky
Also known as a ‘Chilly Bin’ by our New Zealand brethren, the Esky is an insulated box that allows you to keep your stubbies cold during trips to the beach. The Esky® website claims that the modern Esky can keep ice frozen for as long as 5 days at 32 degrees, which we think is pretty darn grouse!
While it may not be quite as stylish as a Smeg FAB fridge, the price is right! Plus it’ll help you get in touch with your cultural heritage, while guaranteeing you’ll be the COOLEST person at any barbeque. (See what I did there? HA HA HA.)
Eat all your food really quickly
Just baked a turducken and not sure what to do with the eight kilos of leftovers? It’s time to grab your fork and get to work – it’s eatin’ time!
Last year’s winner of Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest ate 62 hot dogs in 10 minutes, which should serve as inspiration to us all.
While this approach is potentially unhealthy, it has the advantage of rationalising your total lack of self-control. So go on, wash that 12 egg omelette down with 3 litres of milk – it would be wasteful not to – people in third world countries are starving, don’t you know??
Don’t eat
Conversely you could get around your lack-of-fridge situation by going the other way by giving up eating altogether. (If you think an oven is only for cooking food then you’ve a severely limited imagination – ovens are also great for things like drying shoes, heating up ball bearings and making attractive jewellery out of chip packets).
Disadvantages include being extremely hungry and eventually dying from starvation, but on the plus side, your career as a catwalk model will finally take off – so yay!
Replace all meals with crackers
Saos and Vita-Weats require no refrigeration, so you can eat these ’til your heart’s content. Here are some tasty recipe suggestions:
• Smeared with Vegemite
• Smeared with Nutella (otherwise known as the ‘Patrick Special’ – best consumed in bed)
• Garnished with processed cheese (being made of plastic there is of course no need to refrigerate this stuff)
• Dipped in water
• Baked in oven, for those who like their crackers extra dry
Salt your meat and store in barrels
If eating salted meat out of barrels was good enough for our convict ancestors, it should be good enough for you.
Because the old ships of the Colonial era did not have refrigeration facilities (and also because refrigerators had not been invented yet), the intrepid explorers of yesteryear had to survive on food that had been preserved with salt and stored in barrels.
Serving suggestion: with rum. (Preferably consumed in large quantities and well in advance of your meal).
Move to Iceland
Finally, another way you could get around the expense of buying a fridge is to move to a climate that is basically like living inside a fridge. That way, you can just leave your groceries on the front porch and call it done!
Snow ice-cream is one of the many delicacies you'll enjoy in your icy new home.
Hope you found this article helpful. Anyone else out there living without a fridge? Any tips you’d like to share?
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