Household appliance ‘improvements’ brought to you by men

November 2nd, 2012

Appliance Talk

In case you are unfamiliar with the term, ‘men’ are those tall hairy people we rely on to do things like change light bulbs and go to war. Sometimes they are useful, like when they point out that the reason your computer is not working is because it is not connected to a power source. Other times… well, you be the judge:

Washing machine broke? Nothing a piece of wood and a nail can’t fix! What’s that about leaks? I can’t hear you, my ears are full of firecrackers.

Here you see a common bathroom tap, with ‘hot’ and ‘cold’ clearly labelled. After all, safety is paramount when you find yourself attempting to operate a tap – or anything for that matter – after consuming your usual two cases of Budweiser. (You might even trick yourself into drinking some water – here’s hoping!)

As practical as it is stylish, this tap and sink configuration ensures your hygiene standards will remain high while living inside that gas station bathroom on side of the highway you stumbled across after escaping from prison.

Who needs to spend precious money on a fancy shower head, when you can just use a plastic bottle with holes punched into it? …What do you mean the water’s cold?? Shut up or you’ll get the hose again.

While we’ve already established that the kettle is for water, not sausages, the percolator – on the other hand – is a tip top choice for the cooking of tubular-shaped meat products.

Why spend money on a dishwasher when you can just hang your dishes on the balcony? Why indeed.

Come to think of it, why spend money on a pricey and frankly unnecessary sink when a plastic tub will do nicely? (Although honestly, why anyone would wash their dishes when pouring lighter fluid over them and tossing a match in the general vicinity works just as well…?)

How many times do we need to tell you people?! The kettle is for water NOT… oh, whatever. Do what you want. If you manage to survive the food poisoning, your replacement kettle can be purchased here.

Hot water system sprung a leak? No worries! Nothing an entire role of duct tape can’t fix. Really puts the ‘fool’ in ‘foolproof’.

How else are you going to access your fridge full of bourbon and Coke?

I don’t know how it’s possible to misplace the functional components of a table fan, but regardless, it’s nice to know that a solution to this problem is only ever a cardboard box and a roll of sticky tape away.

Speaking of fans, I’m a FAN of this dude’s self-constructed air conditioner. Strap on some ice and Bob’s your uncle – the price is right, and it’s environmentally friendly too!

Yet another DIY approach to air conditioning. Although stupid on every level, the ten minutes of frosty comfort you enjoy before either the fan or the freezer explodes (or both) is guaranteed to be blissful!

Want coffee but don’t have a cooktop? An upside-down iron, a rug, a shoe and a espresso maker is all that’s standing between you and caffeinated enjoyment. Obviously.

I’ll just take this opportunity to remind everyone that if you buy a chest freezer from Appliances Online, our delivery drivers will safely position it wherever it needs to go, without your needing to don a rock-climbing harness and drag it up a flight of stairs with your crotch.

This all-American MacGyver has chosen to barbeque his meat products with a random metal ‘for sale’ sign, which is a great way to cook if you like your sausages revolting and cancerous.

And here we see a brilliant solution to barbequing during the cold winter months, using an indoor fireplace (on cinderblocks, naturally) and a spare wire grill. (Alternatively, you could buy a Sunbeam Contact Grill… but hey, let’s not go crazy).

Finally, here we see some robotic vacuum cleaners with weapons attached to them, for the purposes of entertainment, scaring pets, and securing at least an honourable mention in the Darwin Awards. A handy way to get your floors clean while striking fear deep into the hearts of your enemies.

And finally, if you ever need an appliance installed by a team of fully licensed, insured and experienced professionals, give Appliances Online a call! Our very own Handy Crew can take the hassle out of connections and installations with very little risk of voiding your warranty or burning down your house.


Louise is a writer with a passion for appliances, especially those that involve food. She is particularly fond of ovens because they enable her to make cake. Apart from baking Louise also enjoys listening to alternative music, dying her hair various unnatural colours and writing poetry that has been described (by her Nan) as 'quite nice'. On her appliance wish list is a Hello Kitty toaster and 'Hero' the barking dog-shaped hot dog maker. She lives in Sydney. Google+

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