Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful: Why I’m The Samantha Brick of Appliances

April 11th, 2012

Appliance News Fridges & Freezers Toasters & Kettles

We all know that Samantha Brick is a wonderful woman and an inspiration to many of us – the chosen few, that is, who uphold standards of beauty for the rest of you to aspire to. However hopelessly. 

But did you know she is also something of a heroine for appliances? Her recent incisive piece of social commentary, which spoke eloquently and passionately about the evil prejudice against physical perfection, has highlighted a crucial ideology battle in the world of retail shopping.

In case you haven’t guessed, I’m a Smeg Fab Fridge. I epitomise retro chic. I’m in pink. And I’m utterly gorgeous.

There, I said it.

Now, let me ask you a question – are you doubting my ability to keep your fruit and veges fresh as long as any old ice-cabinet in Stainless Steel or (ew!) cream?

Do you think my amazing body and sensational colour suggests a marital aid rather than a quality fridge? Do you get worried whenever your husband puts fresh juice in my door compartments? In short …admit it, do you hate me because I’m so ridiculously good-looking?

Well, let me tell you – don’t underestimate my functionality. I deliver 270L of total storage space,  adjustable quick chill crystal glass shelving (so easy to clean, darlings), large crisper drawers – and much more.

And I’m not the only one around here that can be astonishly cute as well as being amazingly convenient.

Take for instance, the delicious Ebony Range brought to you by Electrolux. These dark horses certainly turn heads with their sexy glossy look. But they are so much more than that. An Ebony Electric Oven, for instance, delivers touch electronic controls, a large 80L capacity, ‘A’ Class energy efficiency and catalytic liners.

Take that naysayers.

Oh and what about the simply devine range of Morphy Richards “Accents” small appliances? Available in an incredibly erotic range of colours (our fave is Plum!) and outfitted in seductive curved stainless steel, these guys appeal to the discerning appliance fetishist.

But it’s no use just being easy on the eye – they are also highly durable and offer a host of very functional and versatile features.

So there you have it. Don’t hate us because we make the rest of your appliances look like cheap knock-offs. Embrace our beauty, celebrate it, hey, maybe even worship us if that’s your thing.

But please don’t judge me harshly on the basis of my looks – accept me for what I really am. A fabulous, indespensible kitchen appliance which will bring light to the dark, meaningless wasteland of your lives.

With thanks to: Richie for transcribing and posting this little dissertation on my behalf, and to the lovely Lou for her invaluable advice. Kisses!




Richie is a Sydney based writer with sophistication, flair and hair. Aside from blogging and writing for Appliances Online and Big Brown Box, he is also a new playwright who had his first play, ‘The Local’ performed last year at the Sydney Fringe Festival. He is also the wicketkeeper for the Gladstone Hotel Cricket Club and his favourite appliance is any 3D Blu-ray Home Theatre System that can be delivered to his house free-of-charge in the near future. He was the lead singer of Van Halen in 2002. Google+

One response to “Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful: Why I’m The Samantha Brick of Appliances”

  1. Moo says:

    ‘Brick’ is such an unbefitting name for one so fair. She should change her name to Samantha Smeg. 

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